Rules of the Hot Tub

So, I was prepared for just another normal night at the gym, but little did I know, this was going to be anything but ordinary. First I get there and the place is packed, probably because it's January 2 and everyone has set New Years resolutions to work out... ugh. I mean, good for you for deciding to go to the gym, but don't be stealing all the towels and lockers from those of us that are loyal gym-goers. So, within the first minute I'm already annoyed because all the towels are gone which means I now have to drip dry. Then I get to the pool and of course all the lanes are taken which means I have to wait, so I decide to wait in the hot tub. And this is when things start to get interesting.

So, you'd think that most people (those free from mental illness) would have a pretty good understanding of what is socially acceptable and unacceptable, but let me tell you, they don't. And usually if I encounter a person that is acting socially unacceptable I either do 1 of 2 things: 1. if it's entertaining, I observe from a safe distance, and 2. if I feel it's going to have a negative effect on my metal or physical well being, I avoid the situation and keep my distance. But I discovered today that once you're in a hot tub, that's a little harder to do.  And that's when I decided that public hot tubs should have social rules that people must agree to follow before they can enter.

So I'm sitting in the corner of the hot tub, minding my own business, just trying to be the best I can be, when Elmo boy walks in. (for those of you unfamiliar with the story, Elmo boy is a guy I met in the hot tub a couple months ago who tried to impress me by speaking in the voice of Elmo for an entire conversation... not as effective as you might think, for those of you who have considered using this approach.) And of course, Elmo boy sits by me. Right after that, a super in love/lust couple get into the hot tub and sit on the other side of me. Then, just when I think things can't get any more awkward, they do. The couple started off sitting side by side, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears, but it didn't take them long before he was on top of her. Now they're face to face, heads barely above water. Pinned in the corner and nowhere to go, I started to panic and the first thing that came to my mind was "pretend you're asleep." So I did exactly that. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. But that didn't help for long because the audio was just as bad as the visual (if you get what I mean).  That was it! I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't care if I had to stand by the pool dripping wet without a towel, freezing to death, I couldn't spend another second in that hot tub. So I decided to make my escape. But as I stood up and tried to make it out of the hot tub, I tripped over the couples legs, tumbling into despair and humiliation. I don't know if I have ever been so mentally and emotionally disturbed in my life! But don't worry, it doesn't end there.

After finally escaping the hot tub, wet and cold, I patiently waited for a lane in the pool as another couple got out and dried off, each wrapping 3 warm dry towels around them (now I know where all the towels went). No, I'm not bitter at all by this point. 

Eventually, I finally made it into the pool. Since there were more people waiting for lanes, I swam a quick 20 laps and seeing the creepy couple and Elmo boy had left,  I decided to get back into the hot tub to warm up, again sitting down in a corner..... not a good idea. Soon after I sat down, a very tall older gentleman started doing stretches in the middle of the hot tub. At first I found it entertaining and humorous because he looked ridiculous, but then things started to get bothersome when he started doing more intense movement oriented exercises. It wouldn't have been so bad if he were a little smaller, but his body mass started creating quite the waves. Plus add to the fact that i'm super petite so my head is closer to the water and i'm in a corner which makes the waves hit me harder. Eventually, it gets to the point where every few seconds I am getting slapped in the face by a pool of hot water; which then makes me start to get especially hot. So I am sitting in the corner burning up, with waves of fury hitting my face. Fed up, I decide I have had enough and i'm getting out. Right at this point the man starts doing exercises where he's swinging his arms back and forth and since he's so tall, they are spanning the length of the hot tub with a serious force. Well, now there is no way that if I tried walking past him that I would make it out alive. I was just going to have to wait it out. And that I did. 

But don't worry, this story ends happily because I eventually made it out of the hot tub and when I got to the locker room I was able to find a small hand towel to sort of help dry me off. Needless to say, tomorrow I will be bringing my own towel and sitting as close to the stairs as humanly possible when in the hot tub.